Representation Through Humiliation

10/31/2004

Book List 10/31/04

Here it is! The long-awaited (Phssht! I'm sure!) Book List:

The Dick Cheney Code- (by Henry Beard) This hilarious parody of The Da Vinci Code doubles as a well-crafted mystery novel. In it, Sandra Damsel and Prof. William Franklin stumble upon a century-old secret involving the Founding Fathers and the Louisiana purchase. But, as in any mystery novel, there are forces anxious to stop them. In this case Dick Cheney and Satan. Highly reccomended.

Buy It!

The Politically Correct Bedtime Stories Trilogy- (by James Finn Garner) A very well-written three books revamping classic fairy tales to fit with the times. Such stories are "The Three Codependent Goats Gruff," "Slepping Persun of Better-Than-Average Attractiveness," and "Rudolph the Nasally Empowered Reindeer." Rollicking fun! Reccomended.

Buy It!

When you ride ALONE you ride with bin Laden-(by Bill Maher) A very interesting and occasionally funny collection of things the government should be telling us instead of "If we change the way we live, the terrorists win." Somewhat reccomended.

Buy It!


Halloween Link Frenzy!

2 Days 'til E-Day!

10/30/2004

Build It And They Shall Come...eventually

Thanks to Midguard and Hidden Nook for contributing comments to the blog! Whew! I was getting a little worried there. Here I was: working on a blog for two weeks with no commenters... But finally my search engine frenzy paid off. Hopefully more will visit in the days to come. Onto the news:

Osama and the Spin Doctors
Out on the stump today, Kerry and Bush made references to the Osama Tape.

Says Bush: "The terrorists who killed thousands of innocent people are still dangerous and they are determined."

Are you jokin? I could have sworn those terrorists just "POOF!" turned into cute little teddie bears the moment we invaded Iraq...

Says Kerry: "It was wrong to divert our forces from Afghanistan so that we could rush to war in Iraq without a plan to win the peace...It was wrong to outsource the job" of capturing bin Laden to local warlords.

He really likes the "O"-word, doesn't he?

-ABC News story


See the winners of The Washington Post's Best Political Blog Contest here!


3 Days 'til E-Day!

10/29/2004

BREAKING: Osama tape

For the first time in roughly two years, Osama bin Laden released a video. In it he mocked President Bush for listening to kindergarten story hour while thousands of Americans died. Pretty heavy stuff for someone who was supposedly dead. Actually, the man looked pretty well. Hiking the mountains of Tora Bora and playing cards with local warlords ("Oh that was the guy we were supposed to kill?") does wonders for your health.

-ABC News story

Elewhere, a NASA scientist with far too much time on his hands has proven that the President was wearing a device during the debates. As if the rest of us didn't figure that out after we heard him string more than four syllables together.

-Salon story

Halloween Fun!

It's that time again! The only day of the year that kids across the country are permitted to take to the streets and beg for candy without consequences! Gotta love them Pagans!




(NOTE: As you have probably noticed, this blog has been all but "daily" recently. And for this, I apologize. What with the school and the election frenzy, I have had little to no time this past week for blogging.After the recount we will be resuming our daily status. Until then, I'll post as recently as possible. Thank you for your understanding.)

10/27/2004

I'm Back!

If anyone is actually reading this (I have no way of knowing unless you comment) and cares where I've been for the last three days, I was getting out the vote in Philly and right here in NJ.

I know I'm a little behind, but here's my partial booklist for this week. ( I realize it's late and unfinished...)


The Eyes of the Storm (The Complete Bone Adventures 3)- (by Jeff Smith) The third and final graphic novel in the first Bone trilogy, this book is definitely the worst of the three. This is not to say it is bad. Only that it could have been better, and compared to the high standards set by the first two books, it did not live up to its expectations. But it's hard to reveal the history of almost every main character in one book and still make it excellent. Oh well, pick it up anyway, it's better than most of the filth you kiddies read nowadays.

Buy It!

Downsize This!-(by Michael Moore) Yawn! It may be that it's just owdated, or that it was his first book and everything, but I still expect more from Michael Moore. It's still pretty funny and all, but y'know? It's Michael Moore! I'm sorry. His current work is far better and should be given a look.

Buy It!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Funny thing happened today, W said some thing stupid. Funny right? OK, here's what he said about John Kerry blaming his leadership for the missing tons of WMDs in Iraq:

"For a political candidate to jump to conclusions without knowing the facts isnot a person you want as your commander in chief,"

OK. Lemme get this straight: John Kerry is jumping to conclusions by blaming the Commander in Chief of the Armed Forces for not commanding properly and letting tons and tons of nuclear weapons disappear into thin air? That damned John Kerry! Full of accusations!

10/23/2004

Shameless Link

Another shameless, but neccessary, link:

Blog Snob



"Election Amnesia"

In a Fort Myers rally earlier today, President Bush said that John Kerry was suffering from "Election Amnesia". He remarked as well that Kerry showed symptoms of Voter Malaria, Campaign Fever, and early signs of Canidate's Foot.

-ABC News Story

Yesterday at talk at the Universitty of Arizona, conservative columnist Ann Coulter was bombarded with pies. One hit her shoulder, just missing her face. The pies contained custard, a prime choice as it does not come out of clothing easily. Coulter later said "From that far away they can't even hit me?".

-AP Story

10/22/2004

Campaign Blogs

Today, Daily Fry clenched our collective teeth and dove headfirst into the mud slinging festival that is the canidates' blogs. We visited Kerry's and Bush's blogs. Curiously, we were not able to locate an official campaign blog for Mr. Nader.

While reading George's blog, we fell asleep. We apologize for this inconvenience, but you try to read it.

John Kerry's, while slightly more interesting, was frankly quite stupid at parts. An example is as follows:

"Thanks to long-time blogger "Mark from Iowa" for this report on John Edwards' most recent appearance in MFI's home state, Iowa."

I don't know about you, but I -for one- would assume that "Mark from Iowa"'s home state is Iowa. For the most part, though, the blog is more intelligent than BC04's. It condenses the posts to a brief summary so that you can quickly skim, and if you find something of interest, give it a look with a handy "Continue reading this entry" button. All in all, a pretty well done blog that demands a read.

10/21/2004

Red Sox Win the ALC!

OK, first off: The Yankees are overpaid snobs. They also win way too much for my liking. So when their butts got handed to them last night I rejoiced! (Not actually last night, of course. This morning while watching the highlights. What? Do you actually think I'm stupid enough to stay up until 12 to watch a friggin' baseball game? It may be America's pastime, but that sport is only slightly less boring than watching globs of spit on the side of W's mouth evaporate.) Anywho, the Sox won for the first time since '89 and are going on to the World Series! (See two posts down to perceive how Yankee fans are feeling right now.)

Also, John Kerry went goose hunting today. "Huh?" You may say, "Why in the world is the Democratic canidate going goose hunting just 12 days from election day?" Here's the catch: He was in Ohio. "Ahh" you say, "Ohio is prime goose hunting property this time of the year. Oh... and isn't it a-- ah... swing state?"

Check out DancingBush.com!

10/20/2004

Wal-Mart Cancels "America" Orders

Today, the Wal-Mart store chain canceled all orders it had placed for America (the book). (see below review.) Citing the lack of clothes on the Supreme Court justices (page 99) as sufficient provacation, they axed the orders for their stores, but continue to sell the book online. They say the pictures "didn't meet their criteria". In fact spokeswoman Karen Burk says "a majority of our customers would not be comfortable with the image." Folks, the majority of their customers are rednecks who don't know a Supreme Court Justice from Osama bin Laden. These photos are obviously doctored, and not actual pictures of the judges, so I ask Wal-Mart: What's the big deal? What happened to looking out for the customer? Only the people interested in the author and the content are going to look at the book in the first place! So I ask my audience to please buy the book from Barnes & Noble instead. (They have coffee there, too!). It's a much better deal, and this way you're not wasting precious online time figuring out how to place an order on walmart.com instead of reading Daily Fry!

In other news, Bill O'Reilly canceled a number of upcoming TV interviews on his book tour for Bill O'Reilly's Book for Kids, prefferring, instead, to conduct the interviews by phone. Although, he said, I may have to juggle a few important calls...

(Note: I wrote this entire column just by looking at the front page of the "Life" section of USA Today. I'm not really sure if anything important actually happened.)

10/19/2004

Red Sox Win #2

The ALC Series is at 3 games to 2 with the Yankees in the lead. Our researchers have predicted the recovery steps the average Yankee fan would go through if the Red Sox actually went on to win:

1) Mass Disbelief
2) More Disbelief
3) Nervous Laughter
4) Denial
5) Anger
6) Fury
7) Rioting
8) Imprisonment

(Note: Our researchers were themselves going through these states as they wrote the study. Suffice to say we will not be doing any reasearch columns for a while.)

10/18/2004

Kerry- "Blame Bush"

OK, blaming W is all well and good until you start saying he's responsible for the shortage of flu vaccinations. So I guess Bush is also responsible for my computer crashing last months, my garbageman spilling trash all over my front yard, and my $60 drapes that don't quite match the color of the room. Come now, he's our president. Not God.

In other news President Bush recently announced he feels a "special connection" with the Almighty. Hmmm.

10/17/2004

Book List 10/17/04

This week I read a number of good books, some of them political, some of them...not so much.

America (the book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction-(by Jon Stewart and the writers of The Daily Show) This hilarious take on American politics is a definite must-read for anyone who enjoys politics and comedy. In a rousing textbook format (including "This book belongs to..." and Chapter Revies and Class Activities) America is an amusing-at-worst summary of our country covering from the Pilgrim's landing all thw way up to years into the future (Venus is an "elusive swing planet!). While its expanded 200 some pages format may look daunting to some, this book is a relatively fast read (2-3 days tops) and highly recommended.

Buy It!

Fahrenheit 451- (by Ray Bradbury) I cannot believe I haven't discovered this book before now! It's been sitting on my shelf for years and I've just never picked it up. It is a disturbing look at the future through the eyes of a fireman whos job it is to start fires. A materpeice of a book, Guy Montag begins to see outside the box. He meets up with an old English Lit. teacher who convinces him he's not crazy. His nation is on the brink of an all out nuclear war, he's wanted by the police, his wife betrays him, and he may be civilized society's last hope at literature. This is one insanely thrilling adventures and a page-turner if I've ever seen one.

Buy It!

Bone (The Complete Bone Adventures 1) Out of Boneville- (by Jeff Smith) A marvelous graphic novel, this black and white slice of heaven follows Fone Bone in his quest to save his cousins, Phoney and Funny, after they are run out of Boneville because one of Phoney's shady business transactions and seperated in the midst of
ant-creatures, dragons, and talking bugs. To find his cousins Fone teams up with Thorn and Gran'ma Ben who help him locate Phoney who is wanted by the ant-creatures for unknown reasons. Alot simpler and fast-paced then it sounds, Jeff Smith is able to go from brash humor to gripping adventure in a single panel.

Buy It!

Bone (The Complete Bone Adventures 2) The Great Cow Race- (by Jeff Smith) The follow up to "Out of Boneville", "Cow Race" is just as entertaining as the first. With the help of Funny Bone, Phoney sets up a gambling racket that backfires horribly. Also, Thorn discovers a bit more about her past after Gran'ma Ben and the dragon get chummy. A very fast-paced read.
The Giver-(by Lois Lowry) Very interesting story depicting a boy who is part of a strange community where everything is absolutely fair and even. Sound great? Not exactly, to control behavior, occupants may be beaten with a rod, and all must take "the pills" to control their sexual urges. There is no weather, no color, and no variety. Finally, this boy, under the supervision of the Giver of Memory, breaks out of the system, but can he and his baby "brother" survive? A great story.

Buy It!

Next week I'll be reviewing The Dick Cheney Code, Stupid White Men, Downsize This!, Pure Drivel, The Politically Correct Bedtime Stories trilogy, and When you ride ALONE you ride with bin Laden.

As promised: Create your own Team America team member!

10/16/2004

Check out this link for cool "Freeway Free Speach Day" pictures:

http://www.freewayblogger.com/aboutpictures.htm

Crossfire Video

For those of you wondering, here's a few sites where you can see the Crossfire Jon Stewart episode of yesterday. It was hilarious, and if you didn't see it, I strongly recommend clicking on one of the following links:

Also, tomorrow I will be posting my weekly must-read book list (i.e. my library receipt) and a great link that lets you create your own Team America:World Police team member. As we promised: LOTS OF FUN!


Shameless Link:

blogarama.com

10/15/2004

"Overpriced Albatross"

In a rally today, President Bush called John Kerry's healthcare plan an "overpriced albatross" and went on to ask why he couldn't settle for a canary or parakeet like everyone else.
This is more evidence of my opponent being out of touch with mainstream America, Bush says, instead of going with an American eagle, a symbol of freedom and prosperity, John Kerry has proposed to you an albatross, which I am told, is the national bird of the very same third-world country that has been poisoning Canadian-sold medication.
In other news, Jon Stewart of The Daily Show appeared on Crossfire today where he was slammed by bow-tie toting Tucker Carlson. The best part of the exchange went as follows:

CARLSON (clearly interupting Stewart mid-sentence): I do think you're more fun on your show. Just my opinion.
CARLSON: OK, up next, Jon Stewart goes one on one with his fans... STEWART: You know what's interesting, though? You're as big a dick on your show as you are on any show. (LAUGHTER)

Tee Hee!
In your face Tucker!

-Crossfire transcript

Election 2004

Are you planning on voting this Nov. 2? If so who are you planning on voting for and why? (Note: The rest of my posts will be in actual blog form. This is really just a test message as well as a chance to learn about my audience.)