Representation Through Humiliation

1/31/2005

In Case You Haven't Noticed...

I haven't been posting recently, due to issues out of my control, but will be back February 5. Thank you for your understanding and continued support.

1/26/2005

Bush is Very Confused

During a press conference aired on ABC today, President Bush made only the briefest of references to this, the bloodiest day since our invasion of Iraq. However, he became very agitated when a reporter asked him to comment on Condi Rice being called a liar by members of the Senate:


Q Well, you had a Democratic Senator basically call your Secretary of State nominee a liar. That's pretty harsh language coming from --

THE PRESIDENT: [brief period of shock] Well, there are 99 senators other than that person. [agitaion becomes all-to-evident] And I'm looking forward to working with as many members as we can. [blood begins to boil] Condi Rice is a fine, fine public servant, greatly admired here in America, [traces of steam at the ears] and greatly admired around the world. And she will make a great Secretary of State! [ERUPTION!] And I'm looking forward to working with her.
Listen, thank you all, very much, for your time. [aftershock begins to wear off] I appreciate this. And I'm looking forward to working with you all as we have a productive 2005. [reddening in face subsides]

Thank you.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And with that, he abruptly left the podium and headed for the door.


Dianne Sawyer comes back on and goes to Peter Jennings reporting live from Iraq.

Jennings, apparently, was expecting the president to kind of lead into his story, as were much of the viewers, including myself. He fumbled around quite a bit, remarking that perhaps the president hasn't been briefed on this... what's going on Iraq... maybe he hasn't heard how bad...

But the funny part is, Jennings seemed genuinely surprised that he knew more about the situation in Iraq than the President of the United States of America.

-Al Jazeera story

-Press conference transcript

-ABC News story

Jacko: Bring It

The Drudge reports in a "developing" story, that "Michael Jackson wants his nemesis Santa Barbara County DA, Tom 'Mad Dog' Sneddon, to personally try the case against him in open court."

Y'know what? If you've been around the block enough to make a "nemesis" out of a DA, we say go for it.

-Drudge story

1/25/2005

The Golden Rasberries

The nominations for the 2004 Razzies are in:


25th Annual Golden Raspberry (RAZZIE®) Award Nominations

WORST PICTURE

ALEXANDER (Warner Bros.)
CATWOMAN (Warner Bros.)
SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2 (Triumph Films)
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS (DreamWorks)
WHITE CHICKS (Columbia/Revolution)

WORST ACTOR

Ben Affleck / JERSEY GIRL and SURVIVING CHRISTMAS
George W. Bush / FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Vin Diesel / CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK
Colin Farrell / ALEXANDER
Ben Stiller / ALONG CAME POLLY, ANCHORMAN, DODGEBALL,
ENVY and STARSKY & HUTCH

WORST ACTRESS

Halle Berry / CATWOMAN
Hilary Duff / CINDERELLA STORY and RAISE YOUR VOICE
Angelina Jolie / ALEXANDER and TAKING LIVES
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen / NEW YORK MINUTE
Shawn & Marlon (The Wayans Sisters) / WHITE CHICKS

WORST SCREEN COUPLE

Ben Affleck & EITHER Jennifer Lopez OR Liv Tyler / JERSEY GIRL
Halle Berry & EITHER Benjamin Bratt OR Sharon Stone / CATWOMAN
George W. Bush & EITHER Condoleeza Rice OR His Pet Goat / FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen / NEW YORK MINUTE
The Wayans Brothers (In or Out of Drag) WHITE CHICKS

WORST SUPPORTING ACTRESS

Carmen Electra / STARKSY & HUTCH
Jennifer Lopez / JERSEY GIRL
Condoleeza Rice / FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Britney Spears / FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Sharon Stone / CATWOMAN

WORST SUPPORTING ACTOR

Val Kilmer / ALEXANDER
Ah-Nuld Schwarzenegger / AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAZE
Donald Rumsfeld / FAHRENHEIT 9/11
Jon Voight / SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2
Lambert Wilson / CATWOMAN

WORST DIRECTOR

Bob Clark / SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2
Renny Harlin and/or Paul Schrader / EXORCIST 4: THE BEGINNING
“Pitof” / CATWOMAN
Oliver Stone / ALEXANDER
Keenan Ivory Wayans / WHITE CHICKS

WORST REMAKE OR SEQUEL

ALIEN v PREDATOR (20th Century-Fox)
ANACONDAS: HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHID (Screen Gems)
AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAZE (Disney)
EXORCIST 4: THE BEGINNING (Warner Bros.)
SCOOBY DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED (Warner Bros.)

WORST SCREENPLAY

ALEXANDER, Written by Oliver Stone, Christopher Kyle and Laeta Kalogridis
CATWOMAN, Written by Theresa Rebeck and John Brancato & Michael Ferris and John Rogers
SUPERBABIES: BABY GENIUSES 2, Written by Steven Paul and Gregory Poppen
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS, Written by Deborah Kaplan & Harry Elfont and Jeffrey Ventimilia & Joshua Sternin
WHITE CHICKS, Written by Keenan & Shawn & Marlon Wayans and Andy McElfresh, Michael Anthony Snowden
and Xavier Cook

Special “Worst of Our First 25 Years” Awards

WORST RAZZIE LOSER of Our First 25 YEARS
Kim Basinger (With 6 Nominations Total)
Angelina Jolie (With 7 Nominations, including 2 for 2004)
Ryan O’Neal (With 6 Nominations Total)
Keanu Reeves (With 7 Nominations Total)
Ah-Nuld Schwarzenegger (With 8 Nominations, including 1 for 2004)
WORST ‘DRAMA’ of Our First 25 YEARS
BATTLEFIELD EARTH (2000)
THE LONELY LADY (1983)
MOMMIE DEAREST (1981)
SHOWGIRLS (1995)
SWEPT AWAY (2002)
WORST ‘COMEDY’ of Our First 25 YEARS
ADVENTURES of PLUTO NASH (2002)
THE CAT IN THE HAT (2003)
FREDDY GOT FINGERED (2001)
GIGLI (2003)
LEONARD PART 6 (1987)
WORST ‘MUSICAL’ of Our First 25 YEARS
CAN’T STOP THE MUSIC (1980)
FROM JUSTIN TO KELLY (2003)
GLITTER (2001)
RHINESTONE (1984)
SPICE WORLD (1998)
XANADU (1980)
NOMINATIONS PER PICTURE
CATWOMAN = 7 (Picture, Actress, Supporting Actor, Supporting Actress, Couple, Director, Screenplay)
ALEXANDER = 6 (Picture, Actor, Actress, Supporting Actor, Director, Screenplay)
WHITE CHICKS = 5 (Picture, Actress, Director, Couple, Screenplay)
FAHRENHEIT 9/11 = 5 (Actor, Couple, Supporting Actor, Supporting Actress 2x)
SUPERBABIES = 4 (Picture, Supporting Actor, Director, Screenplay)
SURVIVING CHRISTMAS = 3 (Picture, Actor, Screenplay)
JERSEY GIRL = 3 (Actor, Supporting Actress, Couple)
AROUND THE WORLD IN 80 DAZE = 2 (Supporting Actor, Remake or Sequel)
EXORCIST 4: THE BEGNINNING = 2 (Director, Remake or Sequel)
NEW YORK MINUTE = 2 (Actress, Couple)
STARSKY & HUTCH = 2 (Actor, Supporting Actress)
©2005, Golden Raspberry Award Foundation and John Wilson


1/23/2005

Inauguration Blast! ...er...more of a "poof" really...

"From George Washington to George W. Bush, Presidential Inaugurations are a significant part of our nation's history." -excerpt from the Official Site of the 55th Presidential Inauguration.

Well, uh, yes... the day when a citizen of one of the most influential countries in the world is sworn into a post where the decisions they make will affect life as we know it is kind of significant, I guess.

The actual inauguration, on the other hand, was a more uh... exhausting affair. What with the motorcade, the speeches, the senators... Yes, well, the only memorable quote of this entire ordeal, it appears, was the reference that national security was "the calling of our time."

As for me and Armando on the Kos, we found Cheney's pre-inaug. interview much more interesting. Dick referred to Iran as a "potential trouble spot."and stated that this time, we will address the problem with "diplomacy." Y'know what? That just...might...work. As crazy as it sounds, I think he might be on to something...

-Bush's Address transcript (from FOX, no less!)

Oh, and we found Jeb's foray into the world of photography a most interesting one... (see below).


Thanks to Electablog for the image! Posted by Hello

1/22/2005

Right Wing Cartoon Uproar

"Omigosh! They've done it! The homosexuals have infiltrated our beloved cartoons! The humanity! Oh the humanity!"

These are the shouts that were heard from numerous right wingers this week amongst claims that "gay-friendly" cartoon campaigns for togetherness were "brainwashing our children" to acccept gay people as members of our society.

Actually, yes. You got 'em. It's all a huge conspiracy to corrupt your children. Sorry. Their bad. They'll go away now so you don't have to be reminded that they exist.

Is this what we've come to? Is our homophobia so immense that we feel the need to accuse Spongebob of promoting a "pro-gay agenda?" Apparently, yes. We're just that friggin bored. It was either gay-bashing or channel surfing.

-BBC story

1/20/2005


Work it, Bill. Posted by Hello


How sexy is Bill Gates? Very sexy...

Thanks to Monkey Methods for the pics.

1/19/2005

Texas Senator Proposes To Grade Kids On Weight

This state senator has proposed giving school children a letter grade according to their body mass index. Stop snorting! It's actually a prety good idea to-- ok ok: You may snort! The real reason I posted this pretty obscure piece of news is the caption that follows the senator's picture:


"Senator Leticia Van de Putte, a pharmacist for more than 25 years, represents a large portion of San Antonio and Bexar County."

Now, we're not implying in anyway that she is fat. Merely that she should not pass legislation that would acedemically punish fat people. There's a difference...seriously.

-AP story

1/18/2005

Reporter Boredom

In the middle of yet another slow news week (it's not like I want anything bad to happen, but c'mon!) apparently the "real" reporters have taken a page out of the bloggers' book: In today's Note, they point out (in the headline no less!) that If you Google"Howard-Dean" and "SSMIP" you'll get three hits. They don't note, however that with their article and the subsequent links and whatnot, that number has increased to seven.

That's right, it's that bad. Journalists are forced to type random words into Google and publish how many hits they recieve.

1/17/2005

Pentagon Longs to Make the Enemy Gay

How kinky.

-Yahoo! News story

Oyster Christ

I suppose in a world where a grilled cheese sandwich is considered prophetic, anything can happen.


Apparently, this is Jesus. Go figure. Posted by Hello

(NOTE: The Yahoo! site I got this picture from is written in Spanish, and I didn't have the time nor the energy to locate an American version.)

Iraqis in U.S. Eager to Vote

"This is a great moment for me and for the people of Iraq. This is the moment when Iraqis will put their stamp on the democracy. We've been waiting so many years." -Abdulrasul al-Hayder, 48, as he registered in his Detroit suburb.

Yes, I suppose it's probably easier to look forward to voting when your not the one being shot at while casting your ballot...

-Salon story

Martin Who?

That seemed to be the main focus point of George W. Bush's speech at the MLK memorial at the Kennedy Center just a couple minutes ago. His first audible quote was "Thanks for the invitation!" as if they could just decide one year that they weren't going to invite the President of the United States (they wish.) He rambled on for a while about how the Founding Fathers were slave owners, and then CNN lost the signal. And then they got the signal back, but for about 30 seconds Judy Woodruff kept talking about how they were really sorry, and that they were just "trying to get the video and audio, that is, the picture and sound back." Yes, because who knew that audio is sound? After she stopped talking enough for us to hear the speech, they lost the signal again... Beautiful. Judy commented on what a beautiful day it was, and then they got it back. The President was reaching the peak of his speech now, but surprisingly enough, there was no mention of Martin Luther King. This MLK Memorial event basically turned into a farewell speech for Colin Powell. In fact, there was no real talk of MLK until George noted that Elma Powell grew up ("in other words raised! yukyukyuk!) in his hometown. I'll try to get a transcript up later today, it was -by far- the most hilarious speech I've ever born witness to... And for all the wrong reasons.

1/16/2005

A Birthday is A Wonderful Thing

It is my birthday today. I'll bet you didn't know that. I'll bet you thought that this was just a day like any other. That today would be a day for going to the post office or the bank or any other meaningless government institution. Well if you did, you were mistaken. For today is my birthday and you need to do is

1/15/2005

Press Secretary Humor

Q. What are you -- what are the themes of the speech going to be?
MR. McCLELLAN: He's going to be talking about the Pell Grant program.
Q. No, no, I'm talking about the inaugural speech.
MR. McCLELLAN: I know, I'm kidding. (Laughter.) It's Friday, so I -- well, I don't want to --
Q. Press Secretary humor. (Laughter.)
MR. McCLELLAN: It's Friday, you know. I don't want to get too far ahead of the President at this point because you still have about a week to go before the remarks.


-Press Gaggle

1/14/2005

Prince Harry

I know it's not a relevant news story, or an news story at all for that matter, but doesn't he look like such a fool in that gettup? I mean, c'mon, you wanna dress like a Nazi, button your shirt up for chrissakes.

Posted by Hello

1/13/2005

Torture is Bad/Somewhat Bad/Good

The poll results are in! In a groundbreaking study cunducted by USA Today and Gallup, it is revealed that 59% of the country think torture is unacceptable, while 79% disagree with the military forcing prisoners to remain naked and chained in uncomfortable positions in cold rooms for several hours. And 3% just don't care. God, do we wonder about those people...

Directly below this section of the poll, we learn that 50% of the country wouldn't be disappointed at all if the National Hockey League decides to cancel the entire 2004-2005 season.

-Gallup poll

1/12/2005

Bush: "The Way it Is"

In a recent as-of-yet unpublished interview with the Washington Times Pres. Bush says:

"I think people attack me because they are fearful that I will then say that you're not equally as patriotic if you're not a religious person. I've never said that... I think that's just the way it is."

He also remarked that "I don't see how you can be president without a relationship with the Lord."

I don't see how you can be elected president without a relationship with the Lord. Think about it.

-Drudge story

Roundup: RED edition

Cheerleaders Respond

Yesterday, the day after the now infamous Abu Ghraib Cheerleader Connection, we contacted Sheila Noone, editorial director of American Cheerleader Magazine for her thoughts on the matter, She had this to say:

"Everything a cheerleader does on the field is done for a positiveresponse and to build spirit. With this tasteless analogy, Mr. Womackhas trivialized the problem of Army misconduct and insulted the 4million cheerleaders who work so hard to be taken seriously as athletesand student leaders. Please call me if you need more or would like to discuss this further."

Everyone seems to be ignoring what the cheerleaders themselves thought of womack's statements, so I thought I'd get an insider's perspective. So I'm a real reporter now, huh?

1/11/2005

Media Scare Tactics


I guess showing pictures of Bill Ritter wasn't frightening enough. Posted by Hello

See Mike Run

George W. Bush on why he appointed federal appeals court judge Michael Chertoff to be his new Homeland Security chief:

"Mike has shown a deep commitment to the cause of justice and an unwavering determination to protect the American people. Mike has also been a key leader in the war on terror."

Mike has also developed a single document that has deprived thousands of people their constitutional freedoms, but that's just a plus.

-ABC News story

1/10/2005

Yes, Just Like Cheerleaders...

"Don't cheerleaders all over America form pyramids six to eight times a year. Is that torture?" -Guy Womack, attorney of Charles Graner, who is the accused ringleader in the Iraq prisoner abuse scandal Graner's attorney, in opening arguments to the 10-member U.S. military jury at the reservist sergeant's court-martial.

In reference to pictures of Graner leading prisinors around by tethers, Womack said: "You're keeping control of them. A tether is a valid control to be used in corrections. In Texas we'd lasso them and drag them out of there." He also compared the leash to parents who place tethers on their toddlers while walking in shopping malls.

Finally, someone gets it right! they were'nt torturing the prisinors they were practicing for the Mid-Year Iraqi Cheer Competition! How silly of us to confuse the two! And of course the tethers were only a precaution to keep the prisinors from wandering off! How could we have been so blind!
Oh, and those hideous plastic bags they put over the prisinors' heads? Merely a precaution to regulate their breathing of course!

1/09/2005

Profits Through Punditing

I'm sure most of us have heard about prominent black conservative pundit Armstrong Williams accepting money from the government to talk up No Child Left Behind, yes? Oh yes... the media can't get enough of this. "A fellow reporter letting private gain influence his work? Unspeakable!"

On a more serious note, it is of my humble opinion that the Bush administration should break another law just to get this story off the headlines.

-USA Today story

1/07/2005

Students Strip-Searched

7 girls and 3 boys were strip searched this week in the hunt for a missing 10 dollar bill. Whether or not the money was found is somewhat irrelevant, but a thought-provoking question, nonetheless.

-Local 6 story

1/06/2005

CNN Drops Crossfire

CNN finally dropped the show that has been terrorizing cable news for 22 years. That's right no more Tucker shooting off his mouth, no more Begala stting off on the sidelines while the rest of the cast make fools of themselves, no more Carville making a fool of himself, and no more Bob Novak trying to appear like a half-way decent guy. I'm nostalgic already...

-Yahoo! News story

1/05/2005

Gonzales' Promise

"Attorney General nominee Alberto Gonzales plans to promise to abide by the government’s non-torture policies and international treaties if he is confirmed by the Senate, The Associated Press learned Wednesday." -AP

Good to know.
Other countries don't like it when we do things like that, (or so we've heard.)

1/04/2005

Bosses Keep Track of Employees Via GPS



Your boss is watching you. Well, maybe... are you in the trucking business? Good, in that case: You are being watched right now. In some window office in large building, a man wearing an expensive suit is keeping his eye on you and your co-workers.... What's that? Stopping to pick up a cup of coffee? Unacceptable. We must have complete control of your liquid intake to reduce the need for rest stops. Get back in your truck and proceed. Thank you. That will be all.

-USA Today story

Posted by Hello

1/02/2005

Tourists in Thailand

No, this will not be a heartwarming story of how a lucky family found their relative who had been vacationing in SE Asia alive and well... This will be a story of several dozen idiots who, seemingly oblivious to the world around them, went frolicking around today on the debris-strewn beaches of Thailand while thousands of residents surveyed the damage and struggled to clean up the mess around them.

"I just figure if everyone uses about an hour of their holiday time (to help clean up), this would help a lot for the locals," said Yodkaew, a Swede who lives on the island with her Thai husband.

This very true, perhaps someone should inform these tourists of the massive tsunamis that hit the very beach they are standing on just 6 days ago. Maybe they should be told of the thousands of things they could be doing to help the relief effort instead of sunbathing. I don't know... just a thought.


-Salon story