Representation Through Humiliation

3/15/2005

Dan's Swan Song

"To our soldiers, sailors, airmen and Marines in dangerous places. To those who have endured the tsunami, and to all who have suffered natural disasters and who must find the will to rebuild. To the oppressed and to those whose lot it is to struggle in financial hardship or in failing health. To my fellow journalists in places where reporting the truth means risking all. And to each of you, courage."


Awwww, Dan! What was that? You got made fun of in the 80s for ending a broadcast with "Courage." You trying to bring it back or something? Cause you can bet your credentials that that ain't gonna happen. (Actually, Dan would probably bet his credentials on a coin toss...) Dan, this is what you should've said:

To our viewers, critics, and channel surfers sitting on a couch somewhere. To those who have endured Memogate, and to all who have suffered my reporting for the last 24 years and who must find the will to now sit like mindless drones in front og Bob Sceifer. To the depressed and to those whose lot it is to struggle through losing your remote and those who are forced by an unnatural voice to watch CBS. To my fellow conspirisists in places where reporting the truth means losing your job. And to each of you, our most faithful viewers, why me?