Representation Through Humiliation


Powell: "Good God, Man!"

Hehehe, you actually pulled my finger...


Spam Roundup: The Ten Dollar Edition

Cleaning out your inbox...with style!

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-We think this 10 dollar ho is ultra sexy! Wanna date her?

-Wanna work in a $10/hour job that requires no effort at all? Just send your name, credit card numbers, shirt size, location, and social security numbers to this address!

-Want to make ten dollars right now? Tough!

All in a Huff

Contact Music (via Wonkette):


JESSICA SIMPSON wants to know where missing footage of her and husband NICK LACHEY's harrowing trip to Iraq got to - because she thinks Americans would like to see just how bad conditions are there.
Translation: The slutty diva-cum-reality star (well, one of them) is all in a huff over missing footage of her hot, shirtless hubby leaping over sand dunes and playing commando in the deserts of Iraq- because she thinks Americans would like to buy it on DVD.


Do it the FOX Way for Once!

Campus Progress is holding a competition of the fakest to see who can come up with the most outrageous misinterpretation of a famous quote by a political figure.

President Roosevelt Encourages Americans to “Be Afraid”
Americans were shocked this week to hear President Roosevelt, in his inaugural address, provide ample support to terrorists by declaring that the nation should be terrified of all things around them. Americans should even be afraid, stated the President, “of fear itself.”

King tells Capital throng: who you are depends on your favorite cartoon character – Speculation that southerners Goofy, Yosemite Sam will join Selma march
“I have a dream,” King said, “that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.”
I couldn't resist:

Pres. Washington Calls Government Stubborn and Rude, then Suggests Burning It to the Ground

Reagan Blames You for The Poor State of the Country and Wishes You a 'Brief Time (sic) on Earth.'

I realize I could do a lot better, but I'm tired and lazy, so try it yourself and put it in the comments.


Politician Look-Alikes

Humpty Dumpty never scared us so much...


Kiss Up & Criticize: Kaiser Chiefs' "Employment"

Alright, it's finally come time to actually review the CD from the band I've been ranting about to my friends, family, and complete strangers I pass on the street for the past month or so. Kaiser Chiefs! I've Rated two of their songs:

1) Every Day I Love You Less and Less

Starts the album off really strong with this ballad of love being transformed into hatred. Very funny song about the feeling all of us have gotten somewhere along the line: The sensation of falling out of love.

2) I Predict A Riot

Head-banging ode to the Leeds nightlife. Marvelously clever lyrics.

John Roberts Gay?

No. Not really, but take a gander at this photo of him sporting the plaid flares.

Suspicious... Well, no. Not really. What really happened is that an NYT slide show depicting Roberts' boyhood days was causing controversy among bloggers:

Power Line:
They Were Already Beneath Contempt...

...but now some Democrats have sunk lower. They are hinting that John Roberts is a homosexual because he was once photographed--more than thirty years ago--wearing plaid pants.
Wonkette operatives have alerted us to some details in John G. Roberts background. We're not making any conclusions here -- we wouldn't want to comment on an ongoing investigation -- we're just laying out the facts: He is a graduate of an all-boys Catholic school where, as a member of the wrestling team, he regularly grappled with other sweaty, repressed boys. That is when he wasn't the drama club playing Peppermint Patty, for God's sake. He was also an editor of the school newspaper, "The Torch."
Reasoned Audacity:
They think that they can undermine support for someone among conservatives if they can dredge up some sort of homosexual connection -- or, in this case, just the manufactured whiff of a question.
Manhattan Offender:
My early years were very similar and, dude, I'm a total 'mo.
[T]he same notion crossed my mind. I do think the NYT piece was subtly constructed to plant this idea. Just look at the series of photographs they chose. (sic)
[T]here's no point in paying any attention to conservative critiques of the Times anymore. No matter how innocent the Times is, conservatives (and even some conservative-friendly moderates like Ann) will find malice in what the Times does - no matter how ludicrous they're being, and no matter how little evidence they have.
Their choice of pictures and captions for the show is rather interesting...

For instance, check out the caption for the aforementioned plaid pants picture:

Judge Roberts in a yearbook photo from his days at La Lumiere, an all-boys boarding school in LaPorte, Ind.
(emphasis mine)

Or for Slide Number Four, when NYT pointed out that Roberts had played the character of Peppermint Patty, a girl, in his boarding school play.

They also show him with his football and wrestling teammates, possibly suggesting he had a thing for the jocks?

The last slide depicts him embracing a group of men in a wedding photo.

Now in no way am I insinuating that John Roberts is gay. John Roberts is most likely not but perhaps and it would be OK even if he was gay. You heard it here first.

It would be a start...

Today's Doonsebury caught my eye:



President Bush named federal appeals judge John G. Roberts Jr. to fill the first Supreme Court vacancy in a decade [on July 19], delighting Republicans and unsettling Democrats by picking a young jurist of impeccably conservative credentials.
July 19... Hmmm, wasn't that just a few days after Rove was outed as the source of the Valerie Plame leak? Was the White House trying to get the country's minds off of that scandal by making the SCOTUS nomination a full week earlier than expected? Or is it just some crazy coincidence, as most things in Washington are... Iran/Contra, various illegal covert wars, Watergate... All coincidence.

[SCOTUS Goes Fishing]


Rove Outed by Cooper because He Outed Plame, Rove, not Cooper...

This probably won't post for a couple days because of this damn Blogger service and the tech guys who refuse to give me a straight answer as to what jthe problem is and how they/I can fix it. Whatver. I justed wanted to have it on the record that I, in fact, did cover this story, possibly the biggest political scandal since Watergate.

Alright, let me break this down for you: Rove leaked the identity of Valery Plame to the press in an interview with Matthew Cooper. George W. Bush said (most recently during the G8 conference) that he would fire anyone in his staff connected to the leak. It is discoverered through Matthew Copper's recent confession of his sources that Karl Rove, Bush's chief advisor and the man currently pupetteering the President with one hand and twirling the country around his little finger on the other. Hearing this, the White House's official responce was... silence. And then they said, 'Well, you should trust the White House staff, donchaknow...'

In conclusion, Rove will not be fired for revealing the identity and endangering the life of a CIA operative and the country will soon forget this ever happened and be lulled once again into a false sense of security and happily ever after until we are blinsided by a nuke or something because someone in the WH pulled the last straw. KERPLUNK!

(Cross posted at BNN)


NJ Carnival of Bloggers

Ukrainian vampires strap kids down, keep them high on glue and take their blood. The Daily Fry provides commentary. Good thing “there was no violence involved.”

This week, Daily Fry was featured in the Carnival of NJ Bloggers, hosted by Cripes, Suzette! Where we were renowned for our "commentary." I knew all along that it wasn't mindless banter at all! Next stop: full-fledged journalism!

Many thanks to Suzette for contacting me with this wonderful oppurtunity, I'm working on hosting the Carnival right here at the Fry sometime in the near future, so be on the lookout!


Billmon on London

I would just like to point out this terrific essay just posted at Billmon and suggest that you read it as it is the best piece on the London bombing and the expected media aftermath I have seen thus far.

It Sounded Fine Just Yesterday...

Falling in line with Wonkette's "Headlines that Sounded Just Fine 12 Hours Ago," I'd like to take note of one of my own headline blooper from yesterday, "London Smackdown." I apologize if that offended anyone, mand in retrospect, I probably would have named it something a tad different. Seeing that was the only smile I've had all morning, though, so I'm leaving it as is.

London Update

Now there are reports that over 40 people have been killed today's terror attacks in London. This is significantly more than the previously anticipated 2, but there are majar disagreements in the press over the death toll. Many major sources still stick to the previous reports of just two deaths.

At any rate, a minute-by-minute timeline of this morning's events has been posted to CNN.

Bombings in London

At least two people have been killed and hundreds injured in the wake of this morning's London subway and bus bombings.

Home Sec. Charles Clarke said the explosions occurred between Aldgate East and Liverpool Street tube stations; between Russell Square and King's Cross tube stations; at Edgware Road tube station; and on a bus at Tavistock Square.

An Islamist site has claimed responsibility for the bombs and it is suspected the al-Qaeda were involved.

Paul Woodrow, of the London Ambulance Service notes that, "Although we cannot confirm casualties - it is too early - we are dealing with large numbers of casualties."

It has been called a
"cowardly attack," "indiscriminate," and "particularly barbaric" by British officials.

(Cross posted at BNN)

-BBC story


Skid. Crash. Thud. Ouch.

Yahoo! via Sploid:

President Bush collided with a local police officer and fell during a bike ride on the grounds of the Gleneagles golf resort while attending a meeting of world leaders Wednesday.

Bush suffered scrapes on his hands and arms that required bandages by the White House physician, said White House spokesman Scott McClellan.

The police officer was taken to a local hospital as a precaution, McClellan said. Police said the officer suffered a "very minor" ankle injury.

It was raining lightly at the time.

Damn straight it was raining! The President of the United States of America just collided with an officer of the law causing him to go to the hospital! Even if it wasn't really raining, it would still be raining!

The officer was on a security detail. He is a member of the police department of Strathclyde, a nearby town, McClellan said.

Bush appears to have relived his teenage years on a bicycle. Crashing into things...disrespecting polie officers...

The president was concerned about the officer's condition, and talked with him for some time after the collision, McClellan said.
A fate worse than death! The poor guy had to talk to George W. Bush for extended periods of time after just being abused on a bicycle by the same man!

London Smackdown

The entire city of New York is breathing a sigh of relief today as it was announced that London has triumphed over NYC to win the 2012 Olympic bid. I could kind of care less, because not many people have realized that's in six years. I'm glad it's not going to be in New York, though. What with the West Side Stadium and traffic and I'm sure we would probably have to invite Canada... it's just easier to let the Brits shoulder all that.

(Cross posted at BNN)

Spam Roundup: The Free Car Edition

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-Cialis- at a new "duty-free" price!

-Donate to the charity to protect Angelina Jolie

-"Save your money by buying this thing here!"

-Don't be a victim! Protect yourself with... online strippers!


Kaiser Chiefs

Sorry about the minimal posting today. I was mostly preoccupied with listening to the amazing Kaiser Chiefs, a British rock band I only just discovered today while watching the replays of Live 8. I believe they were the opening act in Philly and quite miraculous both live and recorded. Give them a listen and check out the hilarious lyrics which you may or may not be able to discern based on the accented vocals.

The Disclaimer to End All Disclaimers (via Salon):
Our use of the term "nuts" is meant, as defined in Webster's, as a reference to an "eccentric" person. That's all. We do not mean to in any way denigrate or belittle anyone with mental illness. In fact, we take mental illness very serously, which is why Mr. Cruise's ill-informed rant inspired us to create this website. We don't have anything personally against Mr. Cruise, either. We think he's a first-class actor and a humanitarian. We did used to worry that he was a misguided zealot, but that's all. Now we think he's a dangerous, misguided zealot.
In other words, Tom Cruise is not so much 'nuts' as he is 'a dangerous, misguided zealot.' But that was already taken. (


Ukrainian Vampire


A vampire has been arrested in Ukraine after luring street children into her home for their blood.

Rather amusing idea, isn't it?

Diana Semenuha, 29, believed that drinking blood could fend off a muscle-wasting condition.

Blood is something of a miracle drug. I would venture to say that without it, I wouldn't be alive today.

She kept the children intoxicated on drugs and alcohol and bled them regularly, selling the surplus to other black magic practitioners. When that weakened them, she dumped them back on the streets and lured replacements with the promise of a place to sleep and a hot meal.

I've done worse for a place to sleep and a hot meal... oh damn-- I can't use my Jacko joke after just defending him yesterday...

Police raided Semenuha's apartment in the Black Sea port of Odessa after a tip-off.

Olga Buravceva, a spokesman, said: "The apartment was painted black, with all the windows covered with thick black cloth to stop natural light coming in. The only light came from black candles, and there was a heavy, sickening odour of some sort of incense in the air."

Get Room Raiders on the phone!

Detectives found seven drugged children strapped to beds and benches, and a large, black knife and silver goblet engraved with satanic symbols.

'I've never seen them before in my life! ... yes, the goblet's mine...'

Ukraine has an estimated 200,000 street children, whose widespread addiction to glue sniffing and alcohol made them easy prey for the woman dubbed the "vampire witch" by local media.

Somehow 'street children' sounds a lot more mysterious and romantic than say... underage hobos?

Semenuha's arrest exposed an occult network in the city. Many claimed to have been taught by Semenuha and said that she would cut herself and let them drink her blood.

War on Drugs and Terror be damned! It's time to kick off a world-wide War on Blood!


Semenuha, who when arrested gave her profession as "witch", has admitted holding the children. "I let them sniff glue, but I paid for it and took a small amount of blood in return," she said. "But there was no violence involved, I also fed them and gave them shelter."

I think we can safely assume they'll go straight to sentencing... if you're trying to appear honest, you don't admit to everything they've accused you of and then come back with 'but I fed them leftovers and let them sleep on the pull-out.'

Police fear that she could escape prosecution for corrupting minors and plying them with alcohol because the seven children found at her home have since escaped from care and gone back on the streets.

...No comment...(sigh)...

(Cross posted at BNN)



(Smoking Gun)

Short and sweet. Period.

A Leak in the Pipes

Here's a story that I'm just discovering which I feel merits a post of its own:

The White House will cooperate with the Justice Department in its initial inquiry into who leaked the classified identity of a CIA operative, but will not launch an internal probe and will not ask for an independent investigation, a spokesman said Monday.
(CNN) via AMERICAblog

Isn't that kind of like when the cops come charging into a suspect's house and the wife answers the door, sees it's the police and backs up with her hands in the sky, proclaiming that she 'didn't do it'? I don't know, maybe I just watch too many COPS reruns...

McClellan said that if anyone at the White House leaked Plame's identity, he should be fired, and pursued to the "fullest extent."

Release the hounds!

But it does seem like here Mickey C is threatening the WH employees? He will personally can them and then "pursue them to the fullest extent." That's sounds a little mob-esque to me. I don't know. I mean, what's he going to do? Hunt down their extended family and bludgeon them with a microphone?

(Cross posted at BNN)

So Here We Are

Hey hey hey!

Back from a (much) longer than anticipated vacation! Infinite thanks to Ang for shouldering the writing duties in my absence. And if any of you ever feel the urge to let your voices be heard right here on the Fry, feel free to contact me at (spammers be damned). Just slap "guest blogging" in the subject line and I'll be able to set you up with a premium, exclusive, all-inclusive, super-duper, and all-that-jazz guest blogger account so you too can become a part of the Family of Fry (Fry Fam? Blog Buddies? The rarely-seen-and-even-more-rarely-talked-to Cousin Earls? What do you folks think?) Whatever says I.

Anyhoo, watching the Live 8 concert(s) via AOL Music, which I strongly recommend you check out. For those of you who don't know what this is, (very few, I would imagine...), it's a string of huge concerts taking place simentaneously all over the world (Philly, Rome, Moscow, Berlin, London, Paris, Toronto, Tokyo, and Johannesburg(?? not sure on the spelling of this one.)) to raise awareness among the G8 leaders about the poverty and disease- stricken state of Africa. A worthy cause, and some great tunes to go along with it? Now that's my bag. (The concerts are also available live on MTV and VH1 if you're still among the dial-up drones. It's a follow-up to the 1985 Live Aid concerts in London and Philadelphia also intended to raise awareness of the poor condition of Africa.

[prepare for rapid subject change]
While I was away Little Miss O'Connery gone and 'retired' (read: 'kamikazied in order to grant her position to a right wing nut job.') from the Supreme Court. Surprisingly, Rehnquist has yet to announce plans of retirement (and/or death...).

And that's the news for now. I'm sure I'll think of something I forgot and have to update later...

UPDATE: See? I told you! Okay, I don't think the outcome of Michael Jackson's child molestation trial were ever published here. (Probably for the best as I have the feeling Ang's opinions on this story radically differ from mine.) I'm actually glad he got off the hook. After more-or-less following the entire course of the trial (although not on here as I didn't think at the time I was ready to cover it), I have come to the conclusion that the man is only guilty of being deprived of his childhood. He's creepy as hell, sure... but since when is that a crime? I think he should get some serious counseling and whatnot, but jail is certaintly not the answer.

With that said, Ang is more than welcome to drop her $0.02 into the jar regarding this case.

UPDATE: Ang did indeed drop by and had this to say:

Regarding Michael Jackson ... here was my take ...

Weirdo - Yes
Am I a fan of MJ - No
Slept in same bed as kid - Yes
Touched kid in way he shouldn't have - No
And in a completely unrelated field, I found a Technorati badge (which I can't get to display for some reason) for Live 8! Hoorah!


Join 4th of July Guantanamo Action


Help CCR spearhead the fight to seek justice for the hundreds of men and minors who have languished at Guantánamo for more than three years and to seek redress for the abuse and torture many have suffered at the hands of military interrogators and private contractors there, at Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq, in Afghanistan and at secret detention facilities around the world.

CCR is fighting to put an end to the Bush Administration's abuse of executive power and unlawful practices like extraordinary rendition - where torture and interrogation are literally outsourced to other countries. CCR is fighting to bring back the rule of law. Working outside the courtroom, CCR is mobilizing activists and raising awareness of these critical issues through education, the press, public readings and a variety of web-based actions. You can help put an end to the abuses at Guantánamo by joining in the actions below.

Please help spread the word around!